F*CK you, Breast Cancer

 This is how I say f*ck you to breast cancer - with a first place AG win at BBSC Sprint Tri Boulder today. 

Even more special, I met a woman named Mary with a lymphedema sleeve on at the swim start - and like a badge of honor, she wore it proudly. There are a lot of survivors out there, and every time I meet one doing what I love, it brings joy to my heart and hope to my soul. 

Thank you @biscaycoaching and @lesliemillertri for coaching me and believing in me. Thank you @beewood17 for supporting me in all these shenanigans. Breast cancer and menopause, you can both suck it. 

#smashfestqueen #teamsfq2021 #lobularbreastcancer#doublemastectomywithoutreconstruction #fuckbreastcancer#fuckmenopause #menopausefitness #breastcancerwarrior#triathletewithcancer #tailwindtrailblazer #tailwindnutrition#flatandfabulous #noboobsnoproblem

Hit by a Truck - also known as Zometa

I’ve heard the first Zometa infusion is the worst - and gosh, I hope that’s true. I spent all of yesterday in a fetal position, crying in bed, with fevers, chills, and unrelenting bone pain. 

I spent a lot of yesterday feeling sorry for myself, that this is my life, that I have three more years ahead of these infusions and 7 more years on my aromatase inhibitor. That this isn’t going to get “better”, even if my cancer doesn’t come back. 

It was a low point on this journey for sure. 

Today I woke up feeling human and grateful not to be in pain - so I went to the pool and swam 3200 m. Because I have a race this Saturday, and I’m not letting breast cancer mess with that. It felt like heaven to move in the water, without my bones and joints aching. 

Then I attended the research and advocacy committee meeting of the Lobular Breast Cancer Alliance. I decided I might as well use my clinical training to advocate for research on the disease that’s wrecking my life, and I’m honored they’ve accepted me onto their Board of Directors. Sometimes it’s useful to be a doctor and a patient. 

I’m hoping to use that platform to spread the word about lobular breast cancer, that it’s different than ductal, that it’s frustrating there are few studies done on preventing recurrence, and that the surveillance for ILC is unique. 

Zometa sucks, breast cancer sucks, and menopause sucks. Advocacy and speaking up do not. 

#zometainfusion #lobularbreastcancer#lobularbreastcanceralliance#doublemastectomywithoutreconstruction#noboobsnoproblem #smashfestqueen #biscaycoaching#breastcancerwarrior #breastcancerawarness

First Zoledronic Acid Infusion - here's to bone health!

 

Today’s post-shift cancer adventure: a trip to the infusion center for Zometa (zoledronic acid). 

This drug is in a class called bisphosphenates, that are used to regulate calcium, and in my case to stave off osteoporosis for as long as possible by keeping calcium in my bones. There are some studies suggesting it prevents bone metastasis from breast cancer too. 

The infusion center was calm, well run, and enormous. It made me sad to see chair after chair set up and ready to administer medications, chemicals, and poisons in the name of curing disease. I had a comfy chair, a nice view, and a caring RN named Lisa. I showed up with blood drawn and IV in place thanks to @shannon_bueno 

During the infusion, a volunteer named Sarah performed Reiki on me for a few minutes, and it was really lovely. She is a 3x cancer survivor (breast x2), and it was so moving to have her lay her hands on me. 

I’ve read some descriptions of this infusion as being “worse than chemo”, “like being hit by a truck”, or “the worst flu ever”. So far, I’m just tired after working two shifts, but we’ll see how the next few days go. I'm still racing a triathlon next weekend, so fingers crossed it isn't that bad. 

#lobularbreastcancer #fuckbreastcancer #zometainfusion#doublemastectomy #fuckmenopause#osteoporosisprevention #herewego

Let’s talk about menopause. Again.

I posted about this a few months ago, before my ovaries were removed, before my estrogen was blocked, before I knew what I know now. 

I’ve loved @drjengunter since she first started busting Goop myths and garbage sold to women looking for relief. I read this book hopeful that I would own my health and feel empowered to crush menopause. 

It was quite the opposite - I spent several days in tears, mourning my estrogen and the benefits it provides, growing ever more fearful of cardiovascular disease and osteoporosis. As a hormone positive breast cancer survivor, I can’t take the hormone replacement therapy (HRT) that would make me feel better. 

Don’t get me wrong - this book is a great read. But three months into menopause and I can honestly say I’m not crushing it, it is not graceful, and it totally fucking sucks. I thought hot flushes and night sweats were a mere annoyance - then I learned they’re associated with heart attacks and cardiovascular disease. I thought calcium, vitamin D, and strength training would prevent osteoporosis, weakness, and falls - instead I learned that even doing all the right things, I might end up with a stress fracture or lower bone density. 

It is disheartening at best, downright depressing at worst, to feel your body disintegrate at the age of 45, to watch the efforts of training and discipline fall apart, to know that even if cancer doesn’t kill me, full on menopause has lowered my life expectancy anyway. Since my aromatase inhibitor might increase my cholesterol, I can add heart attacks and stress fractures to the ever growing list of things that might kill me well before I hit my 60’s. Thanks, breast cancer.

There are simply no good solutions for women who can’t take HRT - I should be the poster woman for health in menopause (thin, exercise a lot, taking all the vitamins for bone health, acupuncture, massage, cognitive therapy) but instead I’m suffering, and basically will have to suck it up, buttercup. The mental weight of this is so much heavier than a double mastectomy was. I miss my ovaries. 

#fuckmenopause #fuckbreastcancer #lobularbreastcancer#hormonepositivebreastcancer

Healing Through Triathlon

Today was all about showing up, seeing what I could do, and racing against myself. New body, new challenges.

Seven years ago I signed up for a triathlon just to see what the local fuss was all about - the Boulder Peak olympic tri. I had no idea what I was doing, I could barely ride a bike, and my first open water swim practice ended in a panic attack. 

Seven years later, I showed up to the same starting line with so much gratitude just to be there. Today I had a personal best Olympic swim, crushed the Olde stage climb, and ugly cried on the run - because I’m alive and moving and outside with the people I love. And that is all I need. 

#fuckbreastcancer #triathletewithcancer #fuckmenopause#smashfestqueen #teamsfq #biscaycoaching#tailwindtrailblazer #gotailwind #noboobsnoproblem#doilookflatinthis #doublemastectomy #flatandfabulous

Feel it on the First!

It’s the first of July, so here’s your monthly reminder to #feelitonthefirst 

Everyone should be doing breast self exams, but especially ladies with dense tissue, please get to know your lumps and bumps.

I knew as soon as I felt the little BB sized mass that 
A) it hadn’t been there before
B) it felt different than the rest of my “lumps”
C) I needed to get it checked out right away. 

I had a normal mammogram that completely missed my 3.4 cm tumor - finding that lump definitely found my cancer, and might have saved my life.

Please get to know your breasts. That way you’ll know when something changes. A few helpful tips for self exam in the photos. 

#feelitonthefirst #fuckbreastcancer #lobularbreastcancer#breastselfexam #breastcancerwarrior #breastcancerfighter#gettoknowyourbreasts